MADE NEW

The wait is officially over– welcome back to my blog! Christmastime definitely did not disappoint. Life got loud, and my calendar got full, so I took a small break from posting to navigate through the mess and recenter myself. And if that’s how the past few weeks have felt for you as well, don’t be discouraged. You’re not a bad Christian. It’s okay for the hustle and bustle to get the best of you sometimes.

The stress of the holidays can feel extra heavy, but when we pause and look closer, many of these stresses are signs of our blessings. I get to work holiday hours because God has given me that opportunity. I get to buy gifts for my loved ones because God has blessed me with such amazing people in my life. I get to spend time with family– laughing, gathering, and making memories that I’ll always look back on with gratitude.

In all honesty, I’m just grateful God got me through 2025, and now it’s over. The new year for me is bringing exciting changes and new goals, but also a wave of reflections. I’ve changed so much in only a year. I hit rock bottom, lost everything, and broke in every way. But I came back to my Savior, met amazing new people who changed me for the better, and learned invaluable lessons about life.

No matter what happened in your life in 2025, we all made it through by the grace of God. I pray this year brings new healing, new hope, and new blessings.

Stepping into a new calendar year always feels like a fresh start. We close the door on 2025, carrying everything it taught us, and look forward to everything 2026 has in store. It’s a chance to leave behind old habits, old pain, and old fears, and step into who God is calling us to be this year.

However, moving on isn’t always simple or clean.

My past follows me, settling in my heart and refusing to let me free. When I think I’m making progress and finally forgetting, it finds me in the quiet moments and reminds me. It whispers that I’ll never be enough, I’ll never be whole, I’ll never be loved, and I’ll never be worth anything.

Even coming back to my walk with God, starting this blog, and working to build a better life for myself haven’t erased the weight I’ve carried. Some days it swallows me, replaying moments in my head I wish I could forget. The regret weighs on my chest like a boulder, and the fear I’ll never truly be free twists my stomach around and around.

The memories are always clear, and they come back at the most random times. Any small thing can transport me back months to when I was heartbroken and alone. The happy memories are now replaced with the raw ache of everything I lost. I feel so much regret for the person I allowed to define me for too long. I cry over the life I wanted but didn’t get, the choices I made to try and ease the pain, and the day I thought would be my last.

Trying to move forward feels like dragging all the broken pieces of myself across the ground and stumbling over all the hurt I wish I could leave behind.

I’m sitting here writing this right now, feeling the weight of a stone on my chest, carrying the chains that connect me to my past, looking at the scars that still haven’t healed. It’s real, and I’m struggling in real time. I haven’t moved on. I haven’t gotten over it.

So where do I go?

I go to the one who never left me, who will never leave me. I go to the only one strong enough to roll away a giant stone, powerful enough to break chains, and compassionate enough to heal the hurting. I run to God because I can’t do it on my own. I need Him.

That is the beautiful thing about God. He doesn’t just show up once in a while. He constantly reminds us of His presence, His strength, and His love through His Word. Time and time again, Scripture speaks directly to our hearts and meets us exactly where we are, whispering hope into our pain and reminding us that we are never alone. Even when we feel crushed, God’s Word is there to lift us:

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Psalm 34:18

“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.”

Isaiah 40:29

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

2 Corinthians 12:9

“The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

Deuteronomy 31:8

The Bible overflows with God’s grace and encouragement for us. We are no longer broken, we are no longer slaves to our past, we are no longer living in darkness. God has bought us back with His sacrifice, He has broken every chain, He has called us out into the light. 2 Corinthians 5:17 reminds us:

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”

The old is gone. The guilt. The shame. The nights I thought I’d never see the morning. It’s all gone.

I am not who I was. I am not defined by the pain I carried, the mistakes I made, or the heartbreak I survived. I am made new. Scarred but alive. Stronger but still learning. Free but only because He carried me through.

So I step forward into 2026, even though I’m still shaky. I know the past has no power over me anymore. The new is here. And it is mine to live and to embrace, even with the scars and the ache. Because in Christ, I am not broken. I am not lost. I am not done.

I am new.

I am saved.

I am His. 🩷